Saturday, April 22, 2017

April Madness--The Seven Justice Soldiers of The Victory League Society!!

Of course, the greatest of all of the Justice League/Justice Society team-ups took place in Justice League of America #100-103 (1972):



I will accept no opposing opinions on this. Earth-2 is about to be destroyed by a giant "nebular" space hand, and the JLAers & JSAers must traipse through time and space to recover the long-lost members of the Seven Soldiers Of Victory, who had the secret of stopping the hand.

Comics, brother.

(Those covers are by Nick Cardy, BTW. Awesome)

Anyway, as was the style in those days, the heroes broke into mixed teams to track down the Soldiers, and it got me thinking...if these temporary mini-teams had to fight each other, who would win?

Yes, I'm an idiot.

Anyway, presenting your teams:

Earth-1 Atom, if there's any question.

Earth-1 Superman, and gas-mask wearing Sandman.

Earth-1 Hawkman, Earth-2 Wonder Woman. And who knew that Doc Mid-Nite had a little "Rx" in his logo? "My prescription for you...is JAIL!!!"

Earth-1 Batman.

Earth-1 Green Arrow.

Hal Jordan Green Lantern.

Earth-1 Flash.

That's seven...let's use these guys, who showed up late, to make it an even 8:

That's Earth-2 Green Lantern, Robin/Batman of Earth-2, and Mr. Terrific.

So pick your team--who would win?

Next week, we'll break them into brackets, and begin the April madness that is The Seven Justice Soldiers Of The Victory League Society!!

Friday, April 21, 2017

Friday Night Fights--KKRUNCHH Style!!

No clever intro for this week's Friday Night Fights--just the world's greatest fighter doing what he does best--fighting!!

It's one of those JLA/JSA crossover thingies, as they have to split up into teams and search through time and space to find the missing members of the Seven Soldiers Of Victory! Green Lantern (Earth-1), Aquaman and Wildcat have gone back to prehistoric times to grab the Star-Spangled Kid.

Conveniently, the area is saturated with a "yellow fog," so Hal's ring is useless. And they're on dry land, so we know how useful Aquaman is.

Don't worry, though. When a tribe of Cro-Magnons attack our boys, all you need is Ted Grant:






KKRUNCHH!!

Spacebooger is pretty sure that Wildcat just changed history there...

Heavyweight boxer vs caveman from Justice League Of America #102 (1972), by Len Wein, Dick Dillon, and Joe Giella & Dick Giordano

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight! Why? Because what could be better than Ted Grant taking down a giant caveman? So go and vote!!

Thursday, April 20, 2017

The Day DC Geography Changed Forever!!!

If you know me at all, you know I've wasted a ridiculous portion of my adult life trying figure the perplexities of DC Geography, specifically the location of their "extra" cities, and most specifically the locations of Gotham City and Metropolis.

I've studied highway signs, and more highway signs, and pursued many a clue, to no real success.

They're both cities with seaports, they're relatively close...and that's about it. Most people go for Connecticut and New Jersey, but the frighteningly inconsistent informational crumbs DC has tossed out leave most of the northeastern seaboard--anywhere from Massachusetts to Maryland being a possibility.

But sometimes, a piece of information gets unveiled, which, well, changes your entire worldview.

In this week's Batman #21 (don't worry, spoiler free), there's a hockey game playing in the early pages...and the announcers tell us this:


Wait Wait Wait WAIT!!!!!!!!

Both Gotham City and Metropolis are in the WESTERN Conference?!? What the...

Look, I'll be the first to admit that sports conference/division alignments can be a bit less than geographically accurate. Sometimes there's tradition; sometimes there's difficulty to getting teams to agree to switching divisions when one team relocates; sometimes there seems to be no reason. The Dallas Cowboys are in the NFC East because no one wanted to break up their rivalries. For two decades Atlanta and Cincinnati played in baseball's NL West, while Chicago and St. Louis played in the NL East. Go figure.

Still, it be exceptionally rare for one team physically on the east coast to be assigned to play in the Western Conference. Two would be pretty much insane. If for no other reason than the travel burdens on those teams--most of their games would be in their own conference, so their travel time/expenses would be astronomical compared to other teams in the own conference! I'm not saying it couldn't happen...just that (on our Earth, at least), it probably wouldn't happen.

So if Gotham and Metropolis are both seaports AND play in the Western Conference, well...is DC telling us that they're on the West Coast?!?

I know I jokingly toyed with clues in The Dark Knight Rises that sorta could have been taken to imply that Gotham City was in California, but seriously?

For what it's worth, the snow we've seen in both cities probably puts southern California right out of the picture. Northern California? Oregon? Washington?

The bigger question is--are we meant to take this seriously? Have Metropolis and Gotham always been on the west coast? Or just since nu52, or Rebirth, and this is a clue that someone is mucking with reality?

Or maybe it's just a writing/lettering/editing snafu....

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

The Worst Cover You've Never Seen--X-Force #22 (1993)

The crimes of the 1990s will never end...

I can imagine the conversation...

SAM: Guys, we're some of the most powerful mutants on the planet--why do we need these guns, anyway?
SHATTERSTAR: GUNS!!!
SAM: But don't you usually use swords, Shatterstar?
SHATTERSTAR: GUNS! GUNS THAT SHOOT SWORDS!!!!
SAM: What about you, Rictor? You can make flippin' earthquakes! Why would you need a gun?
RICTOR: Dude, because they're so shiny and cool!!
SAM: Sigh...what about you, Bobby?
BOBBY: Sounds like someone is jealous that I have the biggest gun!!
SHATTERSTAR: (snorts). Mine's bigger!!

Cover by Greg Capullo

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Bold Fashion Choices--This Explains Director Krennic!!

Earlier this week we discussed that Dick Cole attended Farr Military Academy.

Since then, literally none of you have written asking for details of this seemingly amazing place.

Well, here you go!


Wait wait wait wait:

A dress cape!! Man, if anybody had told me dress capes (and killing dinosaurs) were involved, maybe I would have gone to a military academy.

This clearly explains this guy's fashion sense:



I'm now starting my Director Krennic/Dick Cole fanfic...

From 4Most #1 (1942)

Monday, April 17, 2017

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--War Is Heck

Because some mornings...

...you just need to see Mac Raboy drawing Captain Marvel Jr. smashing up a sneak attack on Alaska.

You're welcome.

From Master Comics #25 (1942)

Manic Monday Bonus--Don't Keep Your Day Job, Supergirl!

It's the late late 70s & early 80s, and DC is just going to keep trying oddball professions for their heroes' secret identities--Toy salesman! Truck Driver! Newspaper columnist! Public relations!--because "billionaire" and "test pilot" just aren't exciting enough.

Oh, yeah, and Linda Danvers became a soap opera star!!




Holy crap, Supergirl--run away now, before you're typecast!! (And before the scripts get any more creepy...)

From Superman Family #210 (1981)

Cinam Yadnom--S'eh Arbadak Arba!!

How about a little magic, scarecrow?

If there's one rule that should be burned into everyone's memory, tattooed on their body like in Memento, taught to schoolchildren from the first day of kindergarten--it's that whenever you meet someone new, you should ALWAYS try spelling their name backwards, before it's too late.

From Count Alucard to alien presidential candidates to the lord of evil himself, bad guys get away with their shenanigans much longer than they should because your average joe just won't take the simple precaution of seeing what this new person's name might spell backwards!

Anyway, there's a new stage magician on the scene, and Earth scientists are flummoxed, because they can't figure out how he's accomplishing his miraculous tricks.

So, as scientists are wont to do. they reach out to Uranus, and in turn Uranus sends their favorite son, Marvel Boy!

(HINT: Spell her name backwards, fools!)

(AHEM...SPELL HIS NAME BACKWARDS!!)

Well, an intensive examination by Marvel Boy provides no help:




And so it goes.

Now, if Marvel Boy had simply tried saying the guy's name backwards, the story is over. But he doesn't, so "Emit Erut-Uf" is kidnapped by mobsters, who use him to rob an impenetrable vault. Marvel Boy rescues him, but the magician has decided on a very public bit of revenge:




But legally, he might be on safe ground...?



Yeah, it's OK to murder hoodlums!!

Anyway, Marvel Boy has figured it out...but keeps his cards close to his vest!

Or maybe it was a magician from the future using scientific methods that were indistinguishable from magic, and you just went and invented Abra Kadabra more than a decade early!!

Still, kids--always SPELL THEIR NAME BACKWARDS!! You won't regret it!!

From Astonishing #6 (1951)

Sunday, April 16, 2017

The Best Reason To Join A Military Academy??

Don't tell anyone, but I think that publisher Novelty Press was pretty enthusiastic about publishing Dick Cole stories:

Dick Cole had debuted a couple of years earlier in Blue Bolt Comics, and apparently was quite a hit--so much so that editors were sure that he his type of adventures would replace super-heroes any day now:

And the relentless enthusiasm continues on the splash page:

So who is Dick Cole again?

Ahh, so the public is tired of "super-fantastic" characters, but they'll love an orphan given super strength by a scientific formula who kills dinosaurs and has a nemesis who invents a mind-control drug and...?

Most of Dick's adventures took place during his time at Farr Military Academy, with his best friend Simba, and---

Wait, did you say "kills dinosaurs?"

Yup. Dick Cole makes Turok look like Elmer Fudd!!

See, some (other) scientist has discovered and captured an unknown species of dinosaur in "darkest Africa," and of course brought it home to show off.

Had no one in this universe seen King Kong...?



Yup, that's a new species, all right!








So, yes, Dick is pretty famous:

This is a 30-page story, so another student, jealous of Dick's fame and prowess, invents a mind control drug, and uses it to make Dick steal some top-secret military papers. Dick is caught, convicted of treason, and sentenced to death! With Simba's help he escapes, is lost at sea, sneaks aboard a naval transport vessel on its way to Europe, but is captured. Ah, Golden Age--no decompression here!!

When the ship is attacked by a U-Boat, we get to see just how strong Dick Cole is:



Yup.

Meanwhile, the kid who framed Cole has his really really rich father buy the dinosaur as a school mascot:

When Dick returns, and clears his name, we're set up for the chase:




Wait--you killed the only living dinosaur?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, anyway, that was a typical day for Dick Cole.

Now, if anybody told me I'd have had a chance to fight dinosaurs, maybe I would have joined a military academy...

From 4Most #1 (1942)