Monday, August 21, 2017

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Goodbye, City Life?!?

Look, I know all about the needs of corporate advertising tie-ins, marketing television shows, yada yada.

And I especially know and accept that these cross-media affairs are by no means canonical, and certainly are not required to 100% accurately reflect the "true" nature of the characters being borrowed.

Still, this ad has been on the back covers of Marvel titles this month:

Well, I don't doubt that Luke Cage would enjoy a tiny bit of the dude ranch life.

And really, the ad is worth it just to see Daredevil in dungarees.

I'm not sure why Iron Fist is running around in what my non-comic friend likes to call his "gay pirate" costume. But the cowboy boots are a nice touch, and hey, billionaires can wear what they want, right?

But really, in a million years you could never convince me that...

...ANY icarnaton of Jessica Jones would EVER look so overjoyed to be hanging out at a ranch, let alone let herself get dolled up like that.

Just sayin'...

Manic Monday Bonus--The Swift And Lethal Justice of Fawcett City!

The Big Red Cheese has thwarted the con game of Ahmi The Swami, who was scamming rich folk out of money by pretending to let them communicate with dead relatives.

Well, as the saying goes, Hell hath no fury like a swami scorned . So fa few nights later...


And the next morning...

Well, mild spoiler alert, the Swami is actually the one who shot the guy...but thanks to the hypnosis, Marvel doesn't remember any of it!

After a brief escape, Billy decides to turn himself in!

Wait...a "few days" later?!? Good gravy, that's fast.

So, it's curtains for Captain Marvel!!

Oh, yeah, there's that invulnerability thing...

But this is not one of those cheap and inaccurate stories where a failed execution attempt means the convicted goes free...

Life? Gee, I wonder how long Marvel lives in his Marvel form...

Well, the Captain makes one more escape, to seek advice from the Shazam. The wizard, though, is kind of a dick here, and refuses to give him any more than this cryptic clue:

Big help there, wiz.

But Billy does have the Wisdom of Solomon, and Shazam's clue is enough to let Marvel know that the swami must be involved.

That same wisdom of Solomon tells Marv that the best way to get the to beat the crap out of him!!

And so, today we've learned that a) you can hypnotize Billy/Captain Marvel; b) justice is exceedingly swift in Fawcett City--convicted only a few days after turning yourself in?!?; c) You can't execute Captain Marvel--at least by normal human means; d) Shazam is a dick; and e) Fawcett City judges will accept confession even when they know it was coerced by physical beatings.

From Captain Marvel Adventures #15 (1942)

Manic Monday--The Most Metal Monday Wake-up Call Ever!

Got the Mondays? Having trouble jump-starting the week?

Try this:

Volstagg, transformed by the hammer of the Ultimate Universe Thor into the War Thor, battling fire-breathing sharks in a lave sea in Muspleheim.

If that doesn't wake you up, I don't know what will...

From Mighty Thor #22 (2017), art by Valerio Schiti

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Paste The Axis!

WARNING: This post contains some offensive racial characterizations.

In 1942, Fawcett had a big contest:

Paste The Axis?

So the readers had to cut out the quotes at the bottom of the cartoon, and paste them into the appropriate word balloon, as the Axis leaders "steal" Captain Marvel's magic word... it again the following month, as the blighters used the word...

...and the 3rd part of the contest required the entrant to come up with a 10 word (or less) patriotic slogan about how "every patriotic American can PASTE THE AXIS.":

Fawcett wasn't stingy with the prizes...there would be 744 winners!

A few month later, the results...

The results were printed over 3 pages, and there were so many winners they had to continue in the next issue!

Sadly, though, they never tell us what the winning 10-word slogans were, which would have been pretty interesting...

From Captain Marvel Adventures #15-17 (1942) and #23 (1943)

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Spoiler Saturday--When Batman Became Axe Cop?!?

OK, this is going to spoil Dark Knights: Metal #1 a bit, so maybe come back later if you haven't read it yet.

Spoilers commence after the 5 pictures of metal...

Still here?

As you know, I haven't exactly been thrilled with DC's use of Batman the past few years.

Yes, there's room for many possible interpretations of the character. Yes, there's a place for Justice League Batman and International Man Of Mystery Batman and what have you.

But lately, that's all we get, as street-level crime-fighting has been as non-existent in the Bat-titles as thought balloons. It seems each and every Batman story has to involve a city-level extinction event now (or larger!), as bank robberies and organized crime are too low-rent for everyone's favoritest hero. Sad fact: if today's Batman were around in Bruce Wayne's youth, his parents still would have died, because this Batman has no time for mere muggers. No, it's so much cooler and true to the concept that he's killing Darkseid or beating the crap out of Superman or knocking out Solomon Grundy with one punch.

It's almost as if his current adventures are being dreamed up by children, in ever-escalating flights of imagination to make Batman progressively bigger and tougher and badd-asser in a upwards spiral of silliness.

Maybe I'm overthinking this? Sure.

But then again, there's this week's Dark Knights: Metal #1, which reveals the ultimate plot for the latest DC crossover:

Yes, Batman is now the most important being in the multiverse. 

Or, as a 6-year old might describe the plot:

There's this other multiverse, but it's worse because it's the DARK multiverse, and Batman is so cool and tough that he became every hero in this DARK multiverse because he's much better than other heroes but somehow OUR Batman is so badass that he never turned evil, oh, and somehow every special piece of metal that ever existed in the DC Universe is connected and is really from the DARK multiverse and that's what every hero got their powers from and now all those EVIL Bat-heroes are coming to our multiverse to kill everybody and we're going to have an event-within-the-event called "Bats Out Of Hell" because that's so awesome and this event is going to be so cool and at the end every one of our heroes will be beaten but OUR Batman is so super-special and awesome that he'll beat the evil ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!

Yes, that's an entirely accurate description of Dark Nights: Metal (except for the last bit, which is just guesswork on my part, but Scott Snyder is writing it, so you know that's how it will end). And yeah. in it's own demented, throw-in-everything-including-the-kitchen-sink way, it'll be fun.

But it's still not my Batman...and somewhere in Gotham, a kid just got killed by an out-of-control getaway car, because Bruce was too busy being the most important person in the multiverse to notice.

Friday, August 18, 2017

Friday Night Fights--Most Wanted Movie Scene Style!!

It's the Avengers/Defenders War on Friday Night Fights!!

Looooong story short--Dormammu has tricked the Defenders into gathering the pieces of the ancient artifact known as The Evil Eye, purportedly in order to restore the Black Knight's soul to his body. In reality, Dormammu is going to seize it and use the Eye to--c'mon everyone--rule the universes.

Ah, but Loki, who has been helping Dormammu, realizes that he will last in a Dormammu administration about as long as Anthony Scarramucci. So he goes to Avengers, and convinces them that the Defenders have turned evil and plan to use the Eye to wreak havoc on humanity. So, both sides fighting over each piece of the Eye, thinking the other team the bad guys.

Doctor Strange is in Indiana, where the corn is as high as an elephant's eye!

Strange gives Mantis the slip, and thinks that he's home free.

Oh, Stephen, how poorly you know T'Challa!!


Man oh man, there is absolutely no reason that we can't repeat this fight in a Marvel movie. Right, guys??!?! Please??

[SPOILER ALERT: Doctor strange casts a spell to put T'Challa and mantis to sleep, which is totally cheating]

Spacebooger would like to remind you that the Defenders won every single matchup in the Avengers/Defenders War. Go figure.

T'Challa's foot to Strange's face in Defenders #9 (1973), by Steve Englehart, Sal Buscema and Frank McLaughlin

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? If I win, I might show you the kung fu battle between Mantis and Strange. So go vote!!