Monday, October 16, 2017

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--What The Hell Is Namor Driving?!?

I mean, really...

What the hell is that?!?

Of course, that vehicle appears nowhere in the issue--because Namor has much, much cooler vehicles at his disposal!!

This fleet of artificial whales is so awesome that it captures Gibraltar...


...destroys the Italian submarine fleet...

...conquers Berlin...


...And they're even on their way to conquer America!!

Don't worry, the Human Torch stops them!! But that's a story for another day...

From Human Torch #5[b] (1941)

Manic Monday Bonus--Captain Marvel, Building Inspector!!

Whilst busting up a crooked developer...





(I suspect a judge might disagree with you there, Captain...)


Good thing you never saw the plumbing!!

From Captain Marvel Adventures #63 (1946)

Manic Monday--Where Do They Get Those Wonderful Buildings?!?

The greatest job in human history was surely "Gotham City architect" back in the day.

Where else could you let your freak flag fly so prominently?

OK, OK, a hot dog stand shaped like an actual hot dog. Big deal, right?

But what about...

"A playground where realistic, mechanically moving imitations of all the giants from myth and folklore gather to play!"

They even get a giant swing!!

Even the self-storage places in Gotham are whacked-out.

And even the hat stores get in on the act!

Still, is any of those really that crazy? What else you got, Gotham?

"That swank gem shot"??

OMG!!

In my weaker moments, I like to imagine that Mike Brady commutes to work in Gotham before heading home to import life wisdom to his many children...

From World's Finest Comics #116 (1961)

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Definitive Proof That Gambit Is More Powerful Than Superman!!

It's a long story, but Professor X has gone bad and taken over the Shi'ar Empire, mentally controlling Gladiator and many others.

Ah, but Gambit is free...



See!! Gladiator can be mentally controlled...but Gambit can't, because his thoughts are "like quicksilver!" Proof that Gambit is smarter than Gladiator!!

NOTE: That isn't really Charles Xavier, it's the "War-Skrull," who using the "Matrix device" to absorb his powers as well as mimic his appearance. So maybe the imposter just wasn't experienced enough to control Gambit. Still, he was powerful enough to telepathically control Lilandra & Gladiator and the Starjammers...

Anyway, next issue, it's time for the physical confrontation!



And that's enough to knock out Gladiator for the rest of the story.

So, Gambit is smarter AND more powerful than Gladiator. And since Gladiator is a Superman analogue, than ipso facto, Gambit is smarter and more powerful than Kal-El. That's just science, kids.

I bet now you're really looking forward to the Gambit movie. Right? Right...?

From Uncanny X-Men #276 & 277 (1991)

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Behold--The Atom!!

If you know me, you know that one of my most favorite things in ever is to look at those "what's the future going to be like" one or two-pagers in old comic books. Usually half pie-in-the-sky exceptionalism, half scientifically illiterate, half goofy as hell--that's good reading!!

So let's go back exactly 60 years, to October 1957, to see what our forefathers thought of...

Oh, this should be good.

Well, blow shit up, right?

What else you got, future predictions?

Not bad. There are atomic powered ships, albeit limited to military craft. No luxury liners (that I'm aware of!)!

Next!!

I've got to grade this a fail, although it's not really the fault of atomic power, but our lack of establishing space colonies (on Jupiter?!?!). Also, it turns out that for many "close enough to the sun" missions, solar power is more efficient and less dangerous.

Next!!

Ooh, I'll give this one a half right. Atomic power can generate electricity pretty damn cheaply. However, the cost of the plants themselves is exorbitant, and therefore in the private sector such plants are only feasible with large government subsidies. And that's before you factor in potential environmental costs, waste disposal, and public opposition. The fact that power companies are shutting down nuclear plants, rather than building more, shows the notion of "electricity so cheap it wouldn't pay to read the meters" was a bit of a pipe dream.

Last!!

Fail. Well, I'll give it a partial point, as the "car of tomorrow" may eventually put the gas station out of business. But it will be because of batteries and conventional electricity, not due to automobiles carrying atomic reactors ('66 Batmobile excepted, of course).

It turn out I lied...this is from Mysteries of Unexplored Worlds # 5 (1957), but it turns out it's a reprint from Rocket Ship X #1 (1951). That's why you gotta research these things...

Friday, October 13, 2017

These Guys Should Have Been The Villains In The Justice League Movie!!

One of the big mistakes that super-hero movie franchises often make? They feel compelled to go for "the big bad" right away, trotting out the hero's biggest, baddest villain in the first flick.

It's almost as if they're afraid that they won't get to make any more movies, so they've got to use this villain right away, or never get the chance. But honestly, it often overstuffs a film, already crowded with an origin story. And it often makes little dramatic sense, as the rookie hero probably shouldn't be able to handle "the greatest threat ever" the first time the put on the costume. Plus, it leaves the "where do we go now?" problem for subsequent films.

Yes, I'm looking at you, Fox, having to bring in Doctor Doom in the first FF movies of each iteration. Yes, I'm looking at the Daredevil movie, which tried to give us DD's origin AND Kingpin AND Bullseye AND Elektra, squishing 30-odd issues into an hour and a half, because they wanted to do everything cool right away.

So, when the forthcoming Justice League movie runs straight for the massive alien invasion/Darkseid bit, well, you know I'm trepidatious. I mean, the actual Justice League started off fighting a giant starfish...so what's the rush for Apokolips?

Especially when we could start the JL out with training wheels, because they could barely take these guys:

Yes. the whitest gang in America, who would grow up to become:




Yeah, yeah, go ahead and mock. But these average Joes dressed for Halloween used playing cards soaked with "stellaration" to bring the entire to their knees--TWICE--in their first appearance.



Yes, Superman was brought down by a pudgy guy in a body stocking.

See, when you start out with the JL taking on Darkseid, who's going to believe that the Royal Flush Gang could give them a hard time? You ease into the big bads, guys. It leaves your team room to grow!

SPOILER ALERT: Snapper Carr saved them all. Because Silver Age. I guarantee you won't see that in the damn movie.

From Justice League Of America #43 (1966)

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Eight Observations About Daredevil #62 (1970)!

#1--Nighthawk should really go back to the original costume.

Seriously, I like this one so much better than the boringly generic one he started wearing with the Defenders...Am I the only one?

#2--Gene Fucking Colan.


Gene Colan should be far more celebrated than he is. Statues should be erected in his honor.

Gene. Fucking. Colan.

#3--That plan never works!!

See, Nighthawk is pretending to be a good guy here...

And of course fickle New Yorkers are completely wowed over by the new guy.

His real plan?

Yes, Batman Returns completely ripped off this plot. (Of course, Roy Thomas undoubtedly ripped it off from some other comic...)

Still, who would ever believe that a rat could turn popular acclaim into political power?

Sigh...

So Nighthawk continues building his reputation...

...and the White House is only a few busted head away!!

But wait--did I mention Batman Returns completely ripped off this issue? Yup, even down to the "hero uses surreptitiously recorded megalomaniacal dissing of the public to convince public that they were wrong" gambit:

And thus ends the master plan of The Penguin Nighthawk!!

#4--Matt Murdock, practicing biochemist!!

Earlier Nighthawk had knocked DD out of action with a "dizziness serum." Next time?

Wait--what? How? Did you have a double major in law and biochemistry?!?

I think we all know that "I developed an antidote" means "I stopped by the Baxter Building on my way over..."

#5--Daredevil, master of disguise!!

When Nighthawk captures a jewel thief...

He's really...

OK, how does that even work?!? I mean...

#6--Where does he get all of those wonderful toys?

I have no idea what the hell this car even is...

...but man, do I want one!

#7--He even looks like Jeff Goldblum!!

Well, I see it...

#8--Did I mention Gene Fucking Colan?




Well, he's worth mentioning again!! And again. And again...